He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
