Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
