I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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