Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she looked like the before picture.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize