I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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