A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize