Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize