I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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