I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
