I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
