last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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