I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
