Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
