dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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