I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
