Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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