Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A bitchslap is in order.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
