I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
