Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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