I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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