We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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