i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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