I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
