Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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