So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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