I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
