I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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