and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
