i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
