I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
