We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
