the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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