It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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