if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
