One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
