i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
