I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
