fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
