ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
