you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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