I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
