the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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