I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
