Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
