She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
