I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
