The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
