I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
