tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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