Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
