my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize