so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
