Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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