Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
