Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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