Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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