ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
