mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
