trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
