I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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