Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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