If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
