you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
