508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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