Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
