i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
