Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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