just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
These tits shall not be calmed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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