i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize